Why You Should Not Common on Anyone's Body Size

We hope you enjoy this REPOST written By: Megan Perez, dietitian at Nourishing Minds Nutrition

The holiday season is upon us. Time for visiting with family and friends, attending festive parties, sipping hot cocoa, and decorating the house. For many of us, we will be around more people than usual, engaging in lots of small (and big) talk, and seeing family members we haven’t seen in a while. I don’t know about you, but this used to give me a lot of anxiety. I wondered what relatives would think when they saw me for the first time. Did I lose weight? Gain weight? Look better or worse? Would I hear someone tell me that I “looked healthy”? What did they really mean by that anyway??

Let’s face it. No matter what they said, I would flip it into a negative comment in my head, translating it to mean the same thing every time: I needed to lose weight.

Did my family ever actually mean this? No. While I admit that I have thin privilege and am grateful I have not often been told to lose weight or change my body, it still does not feel good to live in this type of brain space: to be constantly consumed by thoughts about body image.

I want to emphasize that avoiding body image conversations is not the complete solution. I encourage anyone who resonates with these thoughts and anxieties to seek out help (there are lots of free resources and body positive accounts to follow to get you started). I believe both healing your relationship with food and your body in combination with decreasing body image discussions will lead to a much fuller and happier life.

Here are some reasons why commenting on someone’s body size is not helpful:

-It perpetuates the idea that our bodies are correlated with our worth. Whether the comment is negative or positive, the idea is that we are either “good” or “bad” based on what our body currently looks like. Most commonly, we have been “good” if we look more slender and we have “let ourselves go” if we are heavier.

-It reinforces the idea that thinner equals healthier. Health cannot be determined by someone’s weight. People can be healthy at a variety of sizes and weights.

-We usually have no idea what has been going on with that person who has had changes in weight. The person we are making a comment about could have an active eating disorder, be addicted to drugs, have a catabolic illness such as cancer, have changes in weight due to depression, or may have had significant life changes such as pregnancy! Someone with weight gain may have recently recovered from an eating disorder and is now at their set-point weight. Assumptions are not helpful.

-Comments on body size often result in inner turmoil for the receiver of these comments, causing a person to be afraid of any further changes to their body. Stress from panic can actually cause health problems!

-These comments may validate a person’s compensatory behaviors such as counting calories, restricting food, and overexercising. This can lead to severe eating disorders or cause a relapse in someone in recovery.

Loved ones of disordered eaters may say that they should not have to tiptoe around these types of conversations. They may also say that if they can’t talk about how their family member looks, then they don’t know what to say at all! I understand how you may feel overwhelmed in this situation or afraid of saying the wrong thing. Just know that you are wonderful for caring!

Here are some things to say instead:

-If you want to say something positive, you can try complimenting someone on their work ethic, their style (fashion or hair), their humor, their intelligence, or their kindness.

-Ask how someone is doing. Really mean it. Sit down one-on-one for a conversation about what is going on in their life.

-Ask about their hobbies and what they have been doing for fun lately.

-Ask about books they have read, movies or shows they have seen, or music they enjoy.

-Simply tell you them love them. Tell them how happy you are that you are spending time together.

How to react to body comments

Finally, if you are going to be in a situation where body image discussions come up, there are a few ways to respond and support your recovery. You may want to have a conversation up front with a family member you trust. Explain that you are working hard to improve your relationship with your body so that you can start taking care of it. By stating your needs, you are telling your family exactly how they can support you. You could even suggest they read Health At Every Size by Linda Bacon or explain that most diets fail in the long-term. You could even ask them to read this blog post. One last resort is to change the subject. I still do this at times in order to steer the conversation away from diets!

Unfortunately, conversations about body image and diets are bound to arise during the holidays. Because of the $70 billion diet industry, these discussions have become normalized. Please remember that many friends, family members, or strangers may be unaware of the damaging comments they make. What’s important is that you keep working on your own recovery. We at Nourishing Minds Nutrition are so proud of you!