Written By: Kate Clark, from Nourishing Minds Nutrition and The Rooted Place

Ahhh, veganism. Where should I start?

I’ve “gone vegan” twice in my life.

If you asked me my why, I would have given you rock solid answers; ethics, sustainability, spirituality- all the good stuff. My choice to not eat meat and dairy came from a place of love and good intention. It was a conscious decision that I was making by myself that fully aligned with my values. There were no external values associated with it.

I even tried to stay away from labeling myself as a “vegan”.

I would explain to people “well, I eat vegan foods, but if I wanted eggs, cheese, meat, or fish, I would eat it. I just don’t want them and haven’t wanted them for over a year.” Or, if someone said “Oh, Kate can’t have that, there’s cheese in it” I would immediately correct them and say “no, I absolutely canhave that, I just genuinely don’t want it”.

I was grounded in my intuitive eating and truly believed that no foods were off limits. I was trying so hard to stay rooted in my “all foods fit” mentality but also honor my beliefs. I thought I could live in both worlds.

It was exhausting.

As the months went on, I slipped further and further into this identity of a person who ate a vegan diet. I stopped correcting people. I started calling myself a vegan when it was appropriate. I started cultivating and getting attached to the vegan audience on my social media. I jumped into some new hashtags. I became a “full-on” vegan.

And then, some red flags popped up.

My food choices started to feel more difficult. Contradicting thoughts started to bounce around in my head. I began to question my commitment to my own values. I would see leftover pizza in the fridge from my roommates and long for a bite. I would read the ingredient labels on snacks I was craving and sadly put them back after I read “eggs”.

As an intuitive eater, I knew that these were MAJOR. RED. FLAGS.

These were cracks in my foundation.

So, I backed up. I took my foot off the gas and went back to square one. I started honoring my cravings, even if they included dairy or eggs or animals, and eating all foods.

I knew that by doing this, I was healing the cracks that were created when I stopped honoring my body’s needs and ignored its’ communication.

By taking those few steps back and asking self-reflecting questions like “Am I staying true to myself?” “Am I restricting?” “Am I falling into disordered eating habits?” “Am I avoiding that food only to keep up this label of being a vegan?”

This was me doing the hard work. The work that is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship with food. The work that I thought I was long done with!

Yet, here I was, years after thinking I had healed my relationship to all foods, asking myself the same questions I once asked.

It’s uncomfortable and it’s necessary to slow down, back up, and constantly come back to square one when you see red flags within your own eating habits. No matter how far along your IE journey you are.

I am not saying “don’t be vegan”.

I’m saying that you need to work on yourself, first. If you decide that veganism is absolutely aligning for you, you need to make sure that your relationship with food is healthy enough to abandon certain food groups and not feel restricted, limited, or distressed by that choice. You must be willing to give yourself permission to take a break if these stressful feelings do come up.

In the end, your life has to be more important than a pig’s life.

Just saying that makes my heart hurt because I LOVE ANIMALS. But I also understand that if I’m being mentally tortured by not letting myself eat a piece of peperoni pizza, then it is absolutely not worth it. Your mental health is more important.

So, if you’re a vegan and you look at pepperoni pizza and feel nothing, no desire to eat it and no shame or guilt when you say “nah, I’m good” then awesome, do you. But the second you feel like you are restricting yourself from something that you truly want, and you are caught up in keeping your vegan label, red flags should be going off in your head.

This does not mean that you failed. This does not mean that you don’t deserve all the love from your vegan friends. This does not mean that you are a bad person. This simply means that you are incredibly aware of yourself and your needs.

It is okay to take a break.

Our society LOVES to judge people based on how long someone has avoided a food group for. As if the longer you’ve avoided it, the higher up on the scale of coolness or worthiness you become. Let me tell you right now that is BULLSHIT.

Maybe instead of being a vegan, you can simply eat vegan meals sometimes.

Do you feel the difference there?

“Being a vegan” comes with a little more stress than simply “eating vegan” does.

And this is where I am at right now.

I eat vegan meals. I eat omnivorous meals. No foods are off limits. I can still geek out over new dairy-free ice creams, and snack on Greek yogurt. I can still be an inspiration to my vegan followers on Instagram, and also make posts about real cheese pizza.

If you lose your vegan community and friends because you have chosen to take a step back and focus on strengthening your relationship with all foods, that’s on them. NOT YOU.

I am just like you. I have a past full of food struggles and mental battles. Intuitive eating has given me the tools to navigate my own mental thought patterns and locate what motives are behind them. It’s given me permission to live in the grey, not stressing over which “side” I’m on.

If you’re ready to step out of this black and white mindset and walk into food freedom, know that you are in the right place. We JUST launched our 30-day pop up Facebook group called New Year New Non-Diet Me and you absolutely must join!